victorious bliss

So I finally started working on a personal brand, as it is really something that I felt I had to do eventually. This website is hopefully just the first step of the journey. For the most part my ideas just stayed put inside my head, or on my hard drive. I really learned lately that in order to get motivated for anything, just starting out is the most important part of that process. Probably the most difficult as well, at least in my opinion. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t got all the pieces of the puzzle sorted out and there is always going to be some doubt.

I was thinking about something in the kitchen earlier to what to write about but now I forgot. I’ll have to keep a tiny notebook with me at all times. I remember thinking that writing is really something I like. Like it’s almost effortless. So often have I tried things, thinking I would grow into it, and then figuring out that it’s not really meant for me. There’s probably a lot of people who never figure out how to work without sacrificing their passions or joy of life. I think that frightens me. But of course you have to first figure out what your passions are, and that may be the hardest part. K told me work is love made visible, and I love that idea. I found that it is really difficult to find work that I love. But not everything is about loving work, but also about working with love. There certainly is a way to get into a mindset where you can do pretty much anything and still love where you are. That reminds me to continue watching the movie Perfect Days by Wim Wenders. It’s about a man who cleans public toilets in Tokyo for a living and is actually quite content doing so.

So instead of trying so hard to reach an unreachable goal, I’ll dig inside of myself and figure out what I want and who I want to be. I’m figuring it out alright. I’m probably forever going to be a seeker, and I should find peace in that. Every word is another step towards my salvation, you could say. Never before have I come to conclusions that I probably would never have reached if I hadn’t taken the time to sit with myself and reflect. It’s a privilege to be able to do this, but it also takes a lot of effort and courage to try and block out all distractions and temptations that want to feast on our dopamine receptors. I’ve been saying this to myself quite often over the years. Even just for a moment, I’ll have to forget who I think I am and what I have learned over the years, in order to reinvent myself and find out what I really want. We are all molded by our parents, our education, society, environment and everything we encounter on a daily basis, that it’s easy to forget ourselves and our own needs. I had a chat with my best friend today, and he told me the people who he wants to attract with his creations are people that value authenticity. A lot of us adapt to the needs of the masses, or at least our distorted vision of what we think that the masses need, and forget our own values. Somehow it seems easier to thrive in society if you adapt to others, than to be your own authentic self. 

Some days it’s very easy to forget how far I’ve come. I don’t appreciate myself enough. I think sometimes I block out other people’s compliments because I think I can do better. I remember years ago that I liked it more when people gave me criticism instead of just saying “well done!”, because at least then I knew how I could improve. I took my accomplishments for granted. I’m still learning how to be proud, but I really should try a little harder. It’s probably more important than I think. It’s like I said before, I don’t always have to find a new problem to solve. I could also just hang around and gloat for a while, maybe forever, in the victorious bliss of my accomplishments.